the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
