my phone needs a breathalizer
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
