I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
