my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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