i was born a porn star she said
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize