I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
