They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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