i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
