I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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