How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
