I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it hurts more in the daytime
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
