I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
