Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
