You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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