my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
