...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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