Porn is love you can see.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
