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I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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