the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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