haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
