I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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