you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
