I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
