My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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