he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
