oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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