Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize