we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
