I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
