I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
