There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
