OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
