remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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