So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
