why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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