I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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