i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
