so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
