It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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