I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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