how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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