you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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