Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
