Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just gift wrapped bread.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Randomize
