that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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