I faked an abortion last night.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
