Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
