Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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