I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
