I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
