i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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