I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
