Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
