He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
