whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
