I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
