and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
