I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
