Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud š³
I mean, heās listed as āAndrew DC Threesomeā in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
