That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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