if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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