Who wears a wallet chain?!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
