in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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