i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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