I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
