is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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